The effects of childhood trauma can be grave and long-lasting. For some survivors, it can take years and decades to fully recover from the abuse and feel safe again. Author and CSA survivor, Denise Shellyann Clarke shares the sexual abuse she suffered as a child by her father in her latest book, My Protector Was My Molester 978-1-951630-57-7. It took Clarke a long time to break her silence to the world and her courage is truly inspiring. With this book, Clarke aims to reach out to other survivors, who are afraid and ashamed, to build up the courage to speak out against their abusers. They are not alone in this fight, we all stand with them.
For survivors of childhood trauma to heal, they need to be in an environment that will help them towards recovery. Childhood abuse survivor, Vicky Peterson shares things that survivors need to help them heal from the trauma and feel safe again in this world:
· Distance from toxic people.
First and foremost, survivors of trauma need to get far away from anyone who creates stress and disharmony in their present environment. No other healing can take place until and unless the current environment is free from people who lie, cheat, manipulate, blame, rage, or show poor impulse control. Opening up old wounds will only magnify the toxicity that is in the present. For many, no contact is the way to go, but not everyone can do that. One of the most important skills a survivor needs to learn is to remove themselves from anyone who stresses them out and to do it without apology.
· A quiet, calm environment.
There is a war raging inside the brain of a trauma survivor, and many struggles with PTSD or complex PTSD. Trauma survivors can easily startle from loud sounds or overly excited energy around them. Even a positive, but the chaotic environment, such as a sports game or being around children who are playing, can cause extreme distress for many. Noise feels like static in the brain, and can quickly overwhelm someone dealing with trauma. A calm environment is crucial to feel safe. Some studies show that trauma survivors need up to two hours a day of total silence to decompress and recalibrate.
· Gentle activity.
It is well known that exercise has many positive health benefits. For someone dealing with trauma, activity is an important part of the healing process, but it has to be the right kind of activity. Too often, competitive sports teams or other high-impact activities are counter-productive, and pushing a traumatized child to achieve in sports can be re-traumatizing. If, say, a survivor has a “rageaholic” father, the coach yelling from the sidelines will do more harm than good. The activity needs to be motivated by what feels good to the survivor, not what feels like a punishment. Individual, “personal best” sports, like swimming, can feel good, or activities that encourage the mind-body connection, such as yoga, are often preferred. The survivor must feel that she is in control of her own body and her experience. For trauma survivors, getting reacquainted with, and allowing them to choose for themselves what feels good to their bodies is an important step.
· Safety.
Trauma survivors are often dissociated or detached from their feelings as a coping mechanism that protected them from extreme terror. A survivor needs to decide for themselves what feels safe. It is equally important for any supporters in their environment to immediately honor whatever survivors need to feel safe. Do not try to reason or argue with a trauma survivor about what is safe and what is not. It’s their perception, not yours. If they don’t feel safe, support them to make whatever changes are necessary to their immediate environment. Allowing a trauma survivor to say the words, “I don’t feel safe,” is a huge step toward recovery. If you are someone they don’t feel safe around, don’t take it personally. If you want to support them, do whatever they need you to do to be a safe person.
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