A parents’ first and most important duty is to protect their children from everything wrong in this world and keep them safe. While, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that mindset, there are a few things that you need to talk to your children about to keep them safe and help them defend themselves in any situation. Making your children aware about sexual abuse and body safety is extremely important. It cannot be an easy topic to discuss for many parents, as they don’t know how to explain in a way that their children would be able to comprehend. But in the face of such threat or danger, children should be able to the concepts of consent and their bodies. They should be able to understand what is right and what is wrong. When they understand the situation, it becomes easier for them to tell their parents or another responsible adult, if something has occurred. Talking to children about their bodies can also help them feel more confident and powerful, knowing that their parents will always be there to support them and love them.
The first tip that most trauma therapists give to parents, is to keep their emotions in check before taking up the topic to discuss with children. Parents should stay calm and collected while they talk about sexual abuse, consent, and body safety, to children. Children can easily tell when their parents are scared. So, instead of instilling more fear in them by using a fearful tone or attitude while talking to them, talk to them lightly, coming from a calm place. Many trauma therapists report that when they talked to children who told their parents about the sexual abuse they faced. Most parents would not believe their children or feel extremely upset after finding out. This led all the attention to the parents, while it should’ve been on the child, who suffered the abuse. When children witness this type of reaction from their parents, it can be difficult for them to trust their parents with their feelings again. Children will start to feel like they have face the abuse alone and manage their parents feelings as well. To help build the trust between the children and themselves, parents should talk to their children in a positive manner.
Another important point that parents should talk about to their children is defining healthy touch. When children are aware of what the healthy touch means, they will be able to tell what touch is not healthy or safe. With older children, it is important for parents to discuss consent, not only to say when you feel uncomfortable doing something, but to also understand their partner’s consent and respect it. Parents should work on building trust with their children. So, children feel comfortable talking to their parents about anything that has been bothering them without hesitation. Let them know that they will be believed and heard no matter what the circumstances of the situation are or who the abuser is. Openly communicate with them and help them gain a powerful voice of their own, to always take a stand for themselves.
Denise Shellyann Clarke writes about her abuse and trauma in her book, My Protector Was My Molester 978-1-951630-57-7. Clarke had been sexually abused by her father from a young age, she was unable to tell her mother or grandmother until many years later. Scared that she would not be believed by her family, Clarke suffered for many years in silence. Her suffering couldhave ended earlier if she had been able to talk to her mother or other family members about the abuse she was facing in the walls of her own home.
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