Author Dirk Sanden writes about transforming your life to live by the fundamental principles and golden rules, which we have already heard about for most of our life, in his book, Your Lighthouse Journey. Yet, there is always something holding us back from applying these rules in our waking life. Sanden had everything he could ask for in life but still felt empty somewhere inside him. Bothered by this feeling, he ventured into his own lighthouse journey. In the process, Sanden learned to take a step back to look at the bigger picture in life. He started practicing ways to be mindful about almost everything around him. In the book, Sanden highlights the importance of laying a rock-solid foundation in life, similar to a lighthouse’s foundation that can stand the constant currents of the water and the storms of the sky. The book is truly one of the best self-help books I’ve come across. So simple, yet so profound!
One of the most important cornerstones of building your lighthouse is honesty. When there is honesty in life, things become simple and clear. With honesty, we can communicate our needs and desires openly with others. There’s no room for misunderstandings or lies. We can learn to practice honesty in our lives, Riza Camille Talan tells us how:
· Be truthful to yourself.
Before even trying to be more honest with other people, we should practice being truthful to ourselves first. It’s right when people say that no one knows you better than yourself. So, take a step back and examine your emotions and intentions. What do you really feel? What do you want out of a conversation? Is there something you would like the other person to know?
These questions are great to understand why we feel what we feel. It’s very important to ask ourselves these to reflect on what is happening in our lives. By being truthful to ourselves, we will know what should be said, and what we should pay attention to.
· Understand what makes you want to lie.
When we lie to others, it’s not really because we intend to betray or hurt them. More often than not, it’s because we think it’s the best way to avoid issues and arguments. The complicated thing about this is that lies tend to cause another lie. Your white lie will turn into an even bigger lie, and you do not really want that to happen. The same can be said about hiding truths or lying by omission.
What you need to do is understand why you lie in the first place and assess whether you are right in thinking it is the case. We have to remove our assumptions that people will be happier when lied to. If you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, you will know that they would rather be told the truth and be hurt, than have their trust betrayed.
· Be yourself.
Now that you understand your intentions and the truth behind your lies, you have to begin owning up to who you really are. This may be a bitter pill to swallow, but you have to admit that in the process of creating your web of lies, you have also developed people-pleasing behaviors. Most of the time, this is at the expense of unveiling your genuine personality. We adjust how we interact with people to allow the lies to fit in, so we end up being stuck in having to keep up an act.
· Be tactful.
Someone once said, “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” More often than not, we hurt others with the truth because we said it the wrong way. This is why tact is important; this is why we need to think our words through. Ask yourself whether the words you choose are sensitive, accurate, and can be said from a place of love. You can always be right about what you say, but be wrong in how you say it. So think twice, maybe even three times before you tell the person a risky truth.
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