Suffering from trauma after being sexually abused can have a detrimental effect on a child’s self-worth, mostly because of the abuser. But also because of the non-abusive parent-parents and family, who refuse to believe the child or is unmindful about the abuse taking place in the house. Most child sexual abuse occurs in families and in places, where families know and trust the abuser. People that have suffered this trauma go on with their lives, without speaking about what happened. Only a few survivors come forward with their stories to get justice and heal from the trauma. Denise Shellyann Clarke is a CSA survivor, who has spoken about her trauma in her book, My Protector Was My Molester 978-1-951630-57-7. Clarke writes about the sexual abuse she faced as a young child, which just escalated as she grew older. Her abuser was her father. Clarke never felt safe at home and struggled in life. But she pulled herself out of the darkness and gave herself the life she deserved, full of happiness and love. The book’s main purpose is to help other survivors break their silence.
Recovery expert, Sharie Stines shares 5 steps that can help survivors overcome the impact of the trauma. Here is what Stines suggests:
· Break your silence
The saying, “you’re as sick as your secrets” definitely applies to childhood sexual abuse. Children and adults who have been subjected to the dishonorable experience of having an adult use them for their sexual gratification, have no desire, ever, to tell anyone of their secret, because of their deep-seated feelings of shame and humiliation. However, the only way to heal from this horrendous crime is for the victim to “find her voice.”
· Journal
Write often about how you have been personally affected by the abuse. List how you were betrayed by those who were supposed to protect you and nurture you. List and describe the different ways you suffered and what you lost because of the abuse. It is important to assess and face the damage in order to heal.
· Face the Shame
There is great healing to be found in facing the shame your perpetrator put on you; talk about it, and place it off yourself and back on the shoulders of the person responsible for abusing you. Facing your shame and giving it back to your abuser (figuratively) helps you embrace your vulnerability and see yourself in a new light.
· Grieve your losses
In order to recover from abuse, it is necessary to fully discover and complete the pain caused by your losses. You may feel many losses from being abused, such as, a loss of safety, comfort, innocence, trust, a childhood; a loss of being seen, known, and valued, etc. Think specifically about how your life has been impacted by abuse and write each loss, fully allowing yourself to grieve. Write about how you’ve been betrayed. Share your experience with a safe listening partner.
· Be Compassionate with yourself
Do not abuse or neglect your value and needs as others have. Learn to talk to yourself with kindness and acceptance. Do not condemn yourself for the past or in the present. Recovery is a lifelong process and developing a constant “inner compassionate companion” will help the rest of your life be a satisfying experience. No longer do you have to be a victim to others and to the negative dialogue within your head. Remind yourself that being abused is not the fault of the victim, for any reason, ever.
About the Author
Denise Shellyann Clarke was born and raised in Clarendon, Jamaica, where she faced sexual abuse by her father. But she never lost hope in life, she learned how to survive and overcome the tragedy of her life. Clarke has taken the brave and bold step to write her story down, she hopes she can help others to survive and fight for life, others who have been through the same tragedy as her.
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