After years of suffering in silence, CSA survivor, Denise Shellyann Clarke finally decides to break her silence about the sexual abuse she faced as a child at the hands of her father. In her book, My Protector Was My Molester 978-1-951630-57-7, Clarke discusses how the abuse first began and escalated as she became older. Clarke struggled in different areas of life. At a certain point in school, Clarke deliberately took up different sports and classes at school just to avoid going back to a place, where her abuser lived. Talking about abuse is never an easy thing to do. Many survivors stay silent for most of their lives. Especially since society takes more pleasure in shaming the victim rather than the abuser. The decision to share their story solely depends on the survivor. While, different treatments and healing do involve talking about the trauma, it does not always prove to be as beneficial, depending on the survivor's personality and/or history.
According to Gravity Network, a community of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma, it has been estimated that nearly 20% of all survivors of childhood sexual abuse will never disclose the abuse, and roughly 60% will not disclose the abuse until at least five years after the first incident. Whatever the reason may be for not disclosing an abuse, each individual’s story is their own to tell. However, much they want to share is completely up to them, as well as when, or if, they disclose this information to their friends, family, or partners.
While the ultimate decision to sharing the trauma and the situation surrounding it can be tackled in many different ways, a few things can be taken into consideration to help survivors decide whether they want to share their stories or not. As per Gravity Network, here are some things to consider.
· Determining your level of trust with the person you are looking to talk to and considering how supportive they are of you.
· Determining what you hope to gain from disclosing your history. Are you looking for support? Are you looking for relief? Consider if the person you’re disclosing to can help you achieve these goals.
· Consider disclosing only when you are in a safe environment without any distractions, and when everyone involved is in a sound state of mind (for example, only when everyone involved is sober).
· Considering if the other person has had a history of abuse or trauma, and how it may affect the way they receive your story.
· Give your partner, friend, or family member space to process what you are telling them. Although the story you tell is yours to share, and you are in control of the conversation, your loved one may need time to process and best choose their words or actions to support you.
· Tell the individual you’re disclosing to what you need from them. If you want them to help you seek treatment, tell them that. If you’re just looking for someone to listen and not ask questions, tell them that as well.
· If there is someone else who knows about your history that you trust and who supports you, consider telling them that you're planning to disclose to someone else. This way, if anything goes unexpectedly, you have a source of support ready if you need it. Even if there's no one else who knows what you've been through, just letting a trusted individual know that there's something important going on in your life and that you may need a no-questions-asked friend in the near future may be helpful.
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